Friday, February 8, 2008

Journal 02/08/08

Well today is not the best day. I don't feel the greatest. It seems that everyday I try my best to fight this thing but it gets worse. I want to cry so bad. All these fevers and the nausea. Yes I believe God can do anything and if He has healed another I know He can do the same for me. I understand that this wasn't because I was unwise in using protection. I used it eveytime but it was because someone was upset they had it and took it out on me by drugging my drink and raping me. So today I guess I'm a little emothional because I get tired of feeling this way. And yes I was in a 1 1/2 yr relationship with one who had HIV but my strand is not the same or even similar to his. Day to day I wonder if this will be the day I go on med's or when. What will the effect be? But I just have to trust and believe that God will work it all out. That I shall live and not die. Thats why fashion is my passion because sowing gives me an outlet to express myself in a positive way. For me to see something I or someone else created thats so beautiful and ready to be worn is great. Like when I praise or worship God and I feel no pain because I basically forget about it. The same thing goes for when I'm sowing. I forget about what I have and the complications but focus on what I'm doing in the moment. This is just me.